One afternoon last week, I got a text from my daughter.
Could I come pick her and her best friend up at school?
I said I could and I drove to the school within minutes.
As soon as the girls came toward the car, I could tell by their postures and facial expressions that something was wrong.
I asked right away and after a little coaxing, I got the whole story from them before we left the school parking lot.
A tale of an exceptionally bad day involving embarrassment and public humiliation at the hands of some boys.
They were experiencing feelings of hurt and betrayal.
As we talked about it on the way home, my daughter was insistent that we go to the grocery store because she wanted to cook dinner.
After the day they just had, I decided that a distraction such as cooking dinner would be a good thing for them.
Off to the grocery store we went.
I sent them in with money….confident in my daughter’s ability to menu plan and shop.
The girls came out with a few bags, looking happy and with plans to prepare a Mexican feast.
When we arrived home, I left the kitchen to them and disappeared to fold loads of laundry in my bedroom…
wondering whether I should continue the conversation about hurt & betrayal.
Sadly, hurt & betrayal are a part of life.
It’s how you deal with it and how you go forward from it that matters.
I decided that getting busy in the kitchen with music and preparing a meal with your best friend was a great coping strategy.
I am so grateful that my daughter has a best friend by her side to share the trials of life…the test of hard days.
They really seemed to lean on each other throughout this bad day, and were somewhat quickly able to recover their sense of humour and laugh again.
My mother has always said that you only need one great friend to be happy.
Of course, many great friends are ideal…but one great friend can make the difference.
By the time my gigantic pile of laundry was folded, I was called to supper.
I came down to see delicious chicken enchiladas…
Spanish rice….
and these professional barrista-made-looking iced caramel coffees.
Yum!
Raising a teenage daughter is full of thought-provoking discussions.
Topics we have discussed at length recently include:
Underage drinking & parties.
Parents allowing underage teens to drink.
Body piercings.
Acne and Accutane.
Balancing school work and a social life.
Being a good friend.
Truthfulness with ourselves and others.
Writing a resume and finding a part-time job.
Plans for the summer.
Making good choices.
Studying for a Learner’s Driving License.
Turning the cell phone off and getting a good night’s sleep.
And unlike when your children are 3 and 4 years old and you can kind of fudge answers to questions like, “Why is the sky blue?”, there is no ‘fudging’ answers here.
Answers must be real and honest….thoughtful and intelligent…and make sense to a teenage brain that is working through a maze of choices and situations.
I have lain awake at night…hashing out things in my head.
And what I have come to is this….it’s not my answers that matter so much….it’s the fact that my daughter feels comfortable enough to have these discussions with me in the first place.
That we can share opinions with each other and she can listen to me and I can listen to her.
That’s what matters.
And at the end of the day…where we want to be is home….listening to music with people that we love and cooking dinner.
Share the Love!
I loved this post! It looks like lots of teenage daughters are having the same conversations with their mums all around the world. We have the same chats at our place too!
It sounds to me like you have raised a wise and amazing young lady.
Best wishes,
Natasha In Oz
Oh my. As I read this post, it brought tears to my eyes . . . I have twin daughters who are about to turn 21 and head into their last year of college. I remember MANY days like you described . . . and while they had many girlfriends, no one could replace their twin. They're like glue 🙂 Doesn't it make you long for diaper days? Thanks for the lovely post — the girls are lovely!
Hi Angie,
Great post!
You are on the right track, good for you! What a beautiful dinner they made, working and spending time together… They are so lucky to have one another. I have to agree with your Mother as well.
All the Best,
Christine
Raising teenage daughters is one of the hardest things I've ever done.
I love that you have so many conversations about topics that a lot of parents would rather not deal with. It seems like your daugher is doing just fine.
It is so important, Angie. I didn't have that kind of relationship with my Mom, but did with my daughter. Today, my daughter {25 last month} and I are good friends who respect and enjoy each other's company. I'm sorry your daughter had to go through that.
Great article Angie!
Great article Angie!
Your daughters are lovely! Have a fabulous day, Kellie xx
Great post Angie. Glad everything worked out for the girls. Your mom is right, we only need one friend. I am lucky to have two in my daughters.
They had such a healthy way to unwind from a bad day. Knowing that cooking can make you 'come down' is a wonderful gift.
Your daughter is beautiful…and you are right…communication is key between parents and children.
I have a 13 year old and I'm challenged every day to not treat her like a baby anymore and give her honest answers. Your daughter os beautiful and I'm glad she everything brightened up for them with a little cooking therapy! Always works for me too!
I agree – it's not important how you answer, but more the fact that she talks to you. As a junior high teacher I wish more of my students felt comfortable talking through things with their parents. You must be doing something right!
great post thanks for sharing
Hi Angie,
This post brought tears to my eyes. Your daughter is so lucky to have you as a mom. You truly remember what it was like to be a teenager and go through the things that she is going through now. My son is still young so I'm not at that point yet, but I know I will be one day. And believe me, many nights I lay awake thinking about the future. Things are not the same now as when we were kids. It's not easy. Thank Goodness your daughter has a best friend that she can confide with and bond with. I had many aquantances as a teen, but only one real best friend. We made many dinners together just as you described in your post (although your daughters looks a lot better than mine did 20 years ago), talking about our days and venting about boys, school, and whatever was important to us at the time. Kids need that trust with someone. We are still friends to this day. We've been friends since first grade and she's the only one from school that I have kept in touch with. I guess that says alot. I wouldn't want to do it all over again, but as parents I guess we kind of are. You are doing a great job Angie. I can tell you daughter is going to turn out just great too : )
I appreciate this post. I have 2 sons, 15 and 11, and they come to me quite often about the same things you've listed and then some. I'm relieved, as a mom of boys, that there are moms of girls out there like you. In a world where kids seem to have no one to confide in and end up in horrible circumstances, it gives me hope for them and their future wives!
My son is 5 yr old and these are the questions which he ask me,,why does it rain,why are there lights on the road,why are cameras there onmtrain,.and so many other things,..luved ur post
It is so important to have a best friend – and also so important to have a wise and understanding mom who will come pick you up when you need her. The teen years are the hardest – but much better when you've got a great support system in place. I strive for this kind of relationship with my teens. I want them to know I'm always there for them.
Beautiful post.
Kim
This is great, you said evertyhing perfectly, I am trying to be the same way with my daughter. I love how you just let them do their thing, process the day they'd had and just be there for the girls. They will never forget that!
Aww…Angie, it sounds like your daughter has a wonderful mother in you. Bless you for that.
Hugs, Cindy
That was a beautiful post. What a great job you are doing as a parent–I hope I can have that type of relationship with my daughter when she gets to those tough teen years. I cringed at the list of topics–but you are right–honesty goes a long way…
I don't know why this brought tears to my eyes. Not tears of sadness; I'm not sure what they were for. I have 2 daughters aged 4 and 2 and have quite some time to go before dealing with teens. It is something that I am somewhat intimidated of. Perhaps seeing it through your eyes gave me a bit of hope… You have such a lovely daughter and it is my sincerest hope that my daughters will have that one amazing friend, too.
On a side note, I sure hope my girls will enjoy cooking! I was never the type and I struggled with it since being out on my own, but especially since I've been married (10 years now!). I've finally kind of made sense of it all within the last few months with menu planning and reading some America's Test Kitchen books. Blogs like yours have helped me to find a "place" where I can cook and manage a home. Phew! So thank you for that, as well!
This is such a beautiful post. As a mother of my own teenage daughter, I can totally relate. Thank you for sharing this, Angie!